Emotional Eating

I thought I was beyond all this emotional eating crap.  That is until Eric mentioned earlier in the week that he was leaving on Friday - then I couldn't grab those chips fast enough.  Luckily - the amount and type of trigger foods in the house is very limited.  All we had were tortilla chips.  A few is all I could eat.

Thankfully, I wised up quickly and put the food away.  When he left for the Air Force, I gained the 50 lbs I had lost plus 40 of their friends.  That's almost gone now - and I'm not going back there.

My new goal is to lose so much that when he comes home for Christmas - he won't recognize me.  I can picture us at the airport - waiting for his flight.  And he gets off the plane and walks right past me!  Wouldn't that be awesome!

I have this picture posted at work and I'm going to put one on my bulletin board as well.  The caption reads - "will he recognize me at Christmas".  Hopefully that picture and the one of me with Cali will provide enough reminders to help me through the pizza parties and receptions at work.

It's been nearly 20 years

and I can finally wear my wedding ring!  Now that's an NSV!

I've Lost a 6 year old - and I don't want her back!

We went to Garry and Julie's yesterday.  Allyson had mentioned that she didn't want to carry an 80 lb girl - Cali - through the snow. 

As of this last weekend, I've lost 81 lbs (between pre-surgery loss & post-surgery loss) since April of 2010.  I've lost a little more than Cali weighs!  I picked her up and I had to have someone take her - she was too heavy.  And I used to carry that weight on my body!

I've lost a 6 yr old - and I don't want her back!

OMG! I can't believe I did it!

I can't believe I actually did it....  What, you ask?  I entered the Macy's Million $ Makeover.  You have to write a summary about yourself and answer a lot of questions.  I've never put myself out there like that - but I did. 

Hope I win.

Damn Pizza

Today is the 3rd pizza lunch since I've been back to work (December 17th).  Not to mention a cake and punch reception, bagels, donuts, Christmas, New Years, mom's birthday and Andrew's Christmas party at the Argosy buffet.  Then add in all the smells of the restaurants that I have to pass to get home.  Having to walk through the bakery and specialty cheese / olives section (or I could go through the chip aisle) at the grocery store to get anywhere from the fresh fruit / veggies to any other part of the store.... 

It's frustrating and it's hard.  I haven't caved though and I'm proud of myself for that.  I don't expect others to give up what they want just because I can't have it but still....  Does it have to be so extreme!  Does anyone really need pizza every week! 

I'm not going to cave - I can find other things that I can have that will satisfy any cravings.  But really - let's give it a break - o.k.?

I've thought about this all day and here's what I've come up with......

The fact is I'm going to have to deal with this or come April when most of my restrictions are lifted I'm going to be in trouble. 

Until I win the lottery I'm going to have to deal with the food at work. Unless I can find a new grocery store I'm going to have to walk from the fresh veggies and fruit through the bakery and specialty cheeses. And unless I move I'm going to have to drive past Burger King to get home.  

I'm stronger than all those things. Food will not rule me (again). Losing 78 lbs and being able to do more things is so much better than a donut or a piece of pizza that makes me feel like crap anyway. I'll take a 5 hr shopping trip with friends over either of those things any day. 

The First of Many NSV's

A NSV is a non-scale victory.  I'm sure I'll experience many of these during this journey.

The first - At Julie and Garry's house - they have an island in the kitchen.  The space between the side counters and the island is tight - so tight on one side that I haven't been able to get through there for at least a year.  Tight enough on the other side that at my highest weight - I couldn't get through there either.  Last visit - I was able to get through on the stove side.  This visit - (New Year's Day) I got through on BOTH sides!  Dani laughed at me cause I was so excited I fit through.....

Many more to come - but to me - this was a good one.

A Reflection on 2010

Happy New Year and welcome to 2011!  A lot has changed in the past year - I'm 67.8 lbs lighter, I feel better, I have lots more energy, my diabetes is under control....  I'm aleady finding things I can do that I wasn't able to do before.  I can drive the Escape without the seatbelt extender and I'm close to being able to do that in the Explorer.  I'm trying new foods and finding I like them.  I'm eating healthier.  Things that used to be "normal" for me seem ridiculous - i.e. pigging out, eating huge meals.  I can put on my shoes and socks without twisting my back like a pretzel.  I feel happier. 

I'm looking forward to 2011 and the journey in front of me.  I'm excited to see what else I can do and the adventures to come. 

Happy New Year - here's to a year of new experiences and new joys!