Transferred Addictions

I ate a dozen peanut butter cookies the other day.

I realized this morning that what I'm doing is transferred addiction.  Before surgery, I ate.  After surgery, I couldn't eat so I bought.  Now I can't buy (credit cards are maxed) so I'm back to eating.

This has to stop.  Eating is not going to change the situation with my hand.  It's either broken or a torn ligament or will be better soon and I'll be able to go back to work.  In any case, eating is not going to make it better.  It's not going to enable me to go to the gym.  It's not going to heal any faster by eating cookies and chips. 

I need to look at why I want to lose weight - at the changes that I've made already and the many changes that are yet to come.  I know I can do this - I want this more than anything.  I imagine myself at less than 200 lbs.  I can't wait for that day. 

I'm already so much more active - I go to the gym.  I hike when we're camping.  I walk to the bathroom when we're camping instead of driving.  I feel so much better when I'm not eating junk.

Today - a day of reflection.  To remember why I did this.  To remember how I felt at 441 lbs - how miserable, how sad....  And to envision my life when I reach my goal.