Here I am in 2012. I was supposed to be close to my goal by now - at least that was MY plan. But here I am - within 10 lbs of the same weight I was in May last year - 6 months after my surgery.
I was doing great - then I went to Minnesota with mom and dad for my brother's wedding. I also starting eating carbs - this was my 6 months when under the surgery diet - carbs were allowed. We got back - work was stressful, then Eric came home for a visit, then we went camping for Memorial Day. Memorial Day weekend I broke my arm.
It was my first time hiking with everyone on a camping trip. It had been raining and the trail was muddy and slick. It was also covered in tree roots and rocks. But nothing was going to stop me - I was determined to do it. I had lost 100 lbs and I was going to put my new self into practice. So off we all went. We weren't 1/3 of the way through when I stepped on a rock, my muddy shoe slipped and down I went. Andrew and Jenny helped me up and we continued on our hike. Nothing was going to stop me. Soon my arm started swelling and I told Jenny that I thought I had broken my arm. I told Andrew I thought I had broken my arm. We continued on the hike - I just made sure I didn't fall again. Nothing was going to stop me - besides, if I stopped - I'd just have to turn around and hike back out - may as well finish. We finished the hike and Julie came and picked us up. When we returned to the campground - Andrew took me to the emergency room. It took 2 weeks before the swelling went down enough and an MRI identified the break. Six weeks off work, eating carbs, no exercise..... Something stopped me.
I tried to exercise, I tried to eat right - but everytime I exercised, my arm swelled to the point the cast was cutting off the circulation. I was bored, fast food was readily available, carbs tasted good. Something stopped me - and let's face it - that something was ME. I stopped me. And I'm still struggling to find my way back.
But, I'm determined to do it. I'm determined to find that woman who was determined to finish that 1 mile hike. I'm determined to feel good and have energy again and I know that comes from eating healthy and exercising.
Now, I'm recovering from a surgery - on my foot. The cause of that pain that I've had in my foot for 10 years was finally identified and surgically corrected. The problem is that I'm totally non-weightbearing for 6 - 8 weeks. I'm 3 weeks in now and I'm going stir-crazy. But one thing that being housebound and stuck in a choice of 3 chairs or a bed has made me realize that I don't want to be this way long term.
I want to be active again, I want to eat right. I want to be independent and not have to depend on others. And if I don't get back on track, get active and eat right - I will be bedridden and dependent on others for everything - long term. And that's just not acceptable.
When I finished the above post, I went back and read my blog. I think I know where I need to start - I need to go back to journaling. So, I'm headed to bed for now - but in the morning - I start journaling. Every bite, any exercise.... maybe even feelings when I'm eating so that I can identify the boredom eating.....
No comments:
Post a Comment